…but, you knew that probably. If you didn’t I’m a gay, non-binary, gemini bimbo who loves coffee, laughing, and wiggling my butt to hyperpop. I send a seriously unserious email every sunday talking about goofy things I’m thinking, bad business ideas, and food that excites me.
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DHL: Delivered Hella Late
Nothing makes my stomach drop like the emotional rollercoaster that is getting a tracking number for an exciting thing you just purchased online and then seeing it’s being shipped via DHL, the postmark of death. Immediately, my body fills with regret and remorse. I wrestle with the knowledge that I may never receive whatever gorgeous, luxurious item I just ordered.
Most recently, I placed an order from a small business that makes small batches of nice clothes. I ordered more than I should have just to “save money” and get free shipping. So, imagine my surprise when I learned that “free shipping” was actually provided by the worst delivery company on the market. I immediately rescinded my expectations of receiving my delivery in a timely manner and prepared for the inevitable delays ahead.
My biggest qualms with DHL, beyond the fact that it has never delivered anything in a timely manner, is that it RARELY even delivers my packages. Why are you a self-proclaimed shipping service if you, after 5 BUSINESS DAYS of dragging your feet, are handing my packages to USPS to finish my delivery? What happened to follow through, friend? Why is it being shipped DHL from NYC to CHARLOTTE over the course of 5 days, and then the United States Postal Service completes the delivery? It sounds like a gross waste of state-funded resources.
Be a man and show up at my doorstep with my delivery.
Shitty Business Ideas:
Hello Sharts, I am going to be sharing a concept you may be familiar with. I'm calling it Library Card. I am asking for a small wealth tax on your income, in exchange for like 5-50% of the company. Whatever you guys think is fair, really.
This invention is yet another application that would exist on your iPhone dot com, and it could easily be put into some sort of Notion-like database. Basically, the idea is that you index every book or item that you own and want to share, and then your friends can request to borrow it. That's basically it.
So… what would be the first book you borrow? That is, if you haven't been impacted by the American literacy crisis.
An Appliance Made By Gods
Not my inheritance crockpot
When my grandmother died, I inherited her crockpot. This magical appliance is truly lifesaving. Growing Up Southern™, I've always been around crockpots as a staple appliance, but it wasn't until the passing of my adored grandmother, coupled with increased rent, a Costco membership, and 5lbs of slowly aging chicken thighs in the fridge, that I realized the value of said appliance.
In the last week, I have made slow cooker teriyaki chicken thighs, mastered slow cooker chicken thighs for everyday use, and last night I made slow cooker meatballs for meatball subs.
I am a god, and this appliance is my throne. My promise to you, dear reader, is that I will always respect the power I wield.
…but, you knew that probably. If you didn’t I’m a gay, non-binary, gemini bimbo who loves coffee, laughing, and wiggling my butt to hyperpop. I send a seriously unserious email every sunday talking about goofy things I’m thinking, bad business ideas, and food that excites me.
