Your Honor, I Fear We May Be Cooked.
This week I went to Florida for a work trip. I am a big fan of work trips for a lot of reasons, the primary reason being the way in which I get to save my money. I am pronounced fiscally dead upon arrival of the first Uber of the trip. I am about to live lavishly on “Daddy’s” allowance. Maybe I’ll get a Venti instead of a Grande. Maybe I will order DoorDash every day of the week. Maybe I will get a Fiji water for the flight! The opportunities are ENDLESS. The one thing I do know about a work trip is that I will embody my ancestors’ mentality. I will Live, Laugh, and Love, baby!
One thing they don’t tell you when you board the plane to Destin, Florida, is that you are flying directly into the center of a once-in-a-lifetime snowstorm. I had to find out from an underpaid barista that I had less than 24 hours before a snowstorm (that could only be invoked by God herself) would swallow the beach front outside of my hotel room facing the Gulf of Mexico (or America ?). Not only that, but said barista casually mentioned to me that they would likely cut off all roads leading to and from my hotel. As someone with deep residual trauma from the Atlanta Snowpocalypse of 2014, let’s just say, face crack of the century.
I called everyone I knew to tell them it was going to snow in Destin, Florida, and that I didn’t pack a jacket (he/him pronoun behavior). I was at Publix prepping to be snowed into my hotel room for “up to 48 hours” according to the lady at the front desk. It was serious.
Mind you, the entire purpose of this work trip was to build a podcast studio for the winner of our contest. My coworker had planned to do it in 48 hours, which was ambitious before we knew it would be a legitimate blizzard. I’ll be honest, I never anticipated seeing 6 inches of snow piled up in a coastal Florida neighborhood. Mamas, I didn’t even see that much snow fall in one day throughout the entire year I lived in Boston, Massachusetts. There’s no question that we are absolutely and utterly cooked. I just hope they make us into a good pot roast for the aliens when it’s all said and done.
Shitty Business Ideas:
Hello Sharts, I am asking us to come together and use our combined social following to nuke a business idea out of existence.
This year at CES, there was a robot barista. I hate it. I think it should suffer brutally in robot hell. While it would be nice to lower the cost of lattes and coffee, we all know that is not realistic. Therefore, I need us to all join forces and cyberbully the fuck out of this company. Because why should the worst coffee shop owners in the world have access to yet another tool to demean and devalue their laborers, destroy coffee shop culture, and charge more money for worse service?
What do you say, Sharts? Will you tweet at Artly and tell them we want their robots to explode?
Another Stoner Masterpiece
RE-Introducing the Cheesy Chicken Dipping Burritos. Last night, I had the privilege and honor to try the newest Taco Bell Creation. It was delicious, nutritious, and wonderful. The dipping sauce was perfection, the filling was perfectly filled. It was as if I got two baby grilled cheese burritos made especially for me. My only complaint was I wish that the cheese was a little more melted, but a quick little toaster over could solve that. Overall, I am giving this one a 8/10 on the fast food scale. I will be ordering again.
