ParkMobile HQ Should Be Bombed

Growing up in the deep, almost rural, suburbs of Atlanta, there was never a long-winded fight for a place to park your car. It truly was as simple as parking in the lot outside of the establishment. As I grew older and escaped the suburbs, I became quickly acquainted with parking meters and foreboding signs threatening punishment for parking infidelity.

But, somewhere along the way, our cities began failing. Government run meters were unable to keep up with evolution of payment methods. Instead of allowing people to park their cars in parking spots without paying their parking tax, they outsourced their evil. Forcing digital payment upon the citizen’s whose dollar paid for the very parking space they are policing.

In the background, a small spry company called ParkMobile began developing a number based housing system for vehicles. This optional housing system, more akin to an impound lot, offers no real protections and provides no services outside of city-provided parking spaces. The only convenience they offer is the ability to accept digital payment from plebs who want nothing more than to leave their metal transportation vessels outside while they get a coffee.

When this illegitimate marriage was conceived, it created a system so dark and dastardly. It began the privatization of parking lots for profit. It’s crushed local business, and forced people to over run parking lots without restrictions. This systemically de-prioritizes the needs of humans and community, and centers corporate greed.

Mind you, if you get a “ticket” for not paying for parking in a ParkMobile lot it’s immediately 85 dollars. The reasoning? They aren’t permitted to tow or boot your car unless you have a 85 dollar. Not to mention like why is it 8 dollars to park for an hour in a suburb of Charlotte. That’s fucked.

My questions, and feel free to reply with answers, are as follow:

• How are ParkMobile tickets enforceable by law as they are connected with the actual justice system?
• How do we stop ParkMobile?
• Who is Mr. Park and where does he live?
• How do you work at ParkMobile, as a fake traffic cop, and live with yourself?

Oh btw, this is all an assumption of what happened to form ParkMobile LLC. I didn’t do any research.

Shitty Business Ideas:

Hello Sharts, i'm here today asking for a new lease on life. I’ve changed I really have and I’m happy to prove it to you. What do you want? Should I sing, dance, jump up and down? Christ, I’ll do anything just hear me out…
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This exciting new health initiative is a running club for gay bitches. It’s like the Turkey Trot 5k before Thanksgiving, but different because it’s a year-round jogging club and also it’s directly co-related to queer spaces. I call this creation, Limp Wrist Running Club.

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Gay People Are Listening To:
Joyride By Kesha

This polka-inspired pop hit has me reminiscing on my days in middle school listening to the critically acclaimed albums Animal and Cannibal by KE$HA. It was probably the beginning of my love for music like Slutpop / Slutpop Miami. This song specifically, has no emotional grip on my spirit, I just wanted to share it with you. However, I do really enjoy when she says:

What do you think? Was it a bop or flop?