On Yankee Doodle, His Hat, And Why He Called It Macaroni
Patriots,
I’ve gathered you here today to discuss the figure we’ve lovingly come to know as Yankee Doodle. If you were raised as an American Patriot, much like myself, you may be familiar with Yankee Doodle. You see, Yankee was a queer figure in history. No one quite knows exactly who he was and, according to recorded history, no one ever asked HOW he was. Which leaves me to dive deeper into his lore and why exactly he became an American Patriot.
As you may remember, Yankee Doodle famously had a hat (or cap) he would wear as he rode on his pony. But my dear, the magic of his hat never TRULY activated it until he stuck his infamous feather in it. “MACARONI,” he would passionately exclaim, excited by his discovery of a good old’ fashioned Americana tune we’ve come to know and love today.
You see, Yankee Doodle was an army general, and although it’s a tale of olde, don’t consider him a man of the times. When he would ride through the town, women and men would flock to him. They wanted to hear the tune of his macaroni noodle, if you catch my drift.
“But Cleb!” you (my dear reader) so rudely interrupts. “Don’t you know bisexuality didn’t exist back then? It’s a made-up thing by woke millennials.”
Shame, shame on you dear reader. The overt sexual lyrics defined our dear Yankee Doodle’s taste in men in a way that is shockingly similar to my own. You see, the government archives that store the patriotic history of Yankee Doodle, and the lyrics that enshrine him and his million-man march, specifically reference that Yankee had a flair for traveling with men who were “as thick as hasty pudding.”
You see my dear (rude) Patriotic friend, bisexuality and queerness is the core of the American spirit. You can’t be a patriot without having a flair for dramatics and queerness. It’s ingrained into our military systems to be a little gay. If you thought being a Patriot was just about defending this country, you my annoying little friend, are dead wrong (and also probably ugly).
Anyways, Yankee Doodle was certainly getting it in often and regularly. I would argue that he kept the morale high for his battalion, in more ways than one. He was minding the music and the step, if you catch my drift.
I have to believe that his legacy lives on in millions of Americans across the globe. One who follows his legacy closely (in my subject matter expert opinion) would be RuPaul. Ru’s fondness for silly words/phrases, making a show of himself, and inability to care what most others think is the kind of legacy Yankee Doodle left behind. I imagine Ru has stuck more than just a feather in his cap, but every time he screams “MACARONI!”
Shitty Business Ideas:
Sharts, I'm asking for a small business loan of a million dollars in exchange for 10% equity in Dee's Nuts.
Dee's Nuts is a soon-to-be popular nut brand that sells flavored nut mixes at regular places where you need a little snack. Think of it, you always get hit with Dee's Nuts when you least expect it. It's a surprise and a delight to be able to serve communities by offering Dee's Nuts in public spaces you would least expect, like the library!
Why Dee's Nuts you ask? Well my great aunt Dee used to make the best nuts you'd ever had this side of the Mississippi before she died of measles. It was a preventable death, sure but at least she died a hero (read: unvaccinated).
(this entire section was a bit btw...)
Leggo The Eggs, Yo
Enjoy This TikTok.
With a feather in my cap,
Clebbie ❤️
