As a nation, we believe in 3 simple truths. Twitter is Dead, God Isn’t Real, and we need a little treat.
Today I want to address the third, and perhaps least controversial statement. The Little Treat Economy, as I’ve come to call it, is the frail spine supporting our nation’s mental health. Having a few dollars here and there to buy a little iced coffee, or saving up to buy an iPad. Should we ever face an economic collapse that threatens the little treat economy, I fear we will see a mental health crisis greater than we’ve ever seen. For that reason, I am claiming The Little Treat Economy as one of the few joys we have left in life.
Although The Little Treat Economy is a year round economic system, we must collectively come together to acknowledge that there are two times of the year where your little treat becomes more obligation than option. The first, of course, being the variable date of every person’s individual birthday. The second being BFCM (Black Friday Cyber Monday). Given today’s date, you can safely assume that we are here to talk about the latter.
BFCM used to be the most sacred (dare I say the inception) of The Little Treat Economy. There were doorbusters worth dying for, sales worth living for, and toys for all ages. Today, the sacred day has been disgraced by corporate greed. With internet purchasing habits at an all time high, you are lucky to save more than a few hundred dollars on items you’ve been meaning to restock in your medicine cabinet (yes, you do need to by more condoms and yes they are on sale at the FSA store this weekend). I sent out my annual IG story about what deals people are looking for this year, it was met with silence. (I refuse to accept it was due to a lack of an engaged audience, I am funny and worth responding to dammit)
I pray for the sake of humanity, that the balance can be restored to a once hallowed day. That stores will reopen their doors at midnight. That newspapers will sell out on Thanksgiving Day. That we can get a mob mentality over a Samsung Frame TV priced so low that it’s questionable if it was a return. That credit cards feel like they should be maxed out. That I have something to wake up for all weekend long.
Reply Guys: Did you buy anything this weekend? If yes, send links.
Shitty Business Ideas:
Hello Sharts, I want to invite you to a Friendsgiving of sorts. Although we aren't friends, or even friendly, I think this is the season where we should invest our time and energy into creating a "fellowship hall" type of vibe for communities. What is a community without a communal eating space when you think about it? How do we accomplish it, I have no clue. I do think it should probably be government funded and mandated. Tonight let's let the turkey talk at the damn government mandated Friendsgiving for neighbors and enemies (no friends allowed).
Fast Food Faux Pas
Introducing our new segment, Fast Food Faux Pas. This segment is all about fast food seasonal specials that I try / review, or that I see Joe is Hungry (the only reliable source on fast food news) cover. For the holiday, we are going to be talking about the Turkey Gobbler. Personally, some of my favorite Thanksgiving memories are related to fried turkey, and I love that they didn't include any type of cranberry related spread. I feel that cranberry related flavors are very polarizing.
Anyways, you are gonna wanna watch Joe is hungry's review of this as it will explain why I haven't actually tried this sandwich. <3
