2024 In A Condom
(Like Wrapped... Get It?)
2024 was really not the year I thought it was going to be (to be fair, I am not a fucking psychic). But in a brief overview, this year I:
- decided to take my meds 80% of the time
- was depressed
- drank way too much coffee
- started a newsletter
- quit a job selling mattresses (ask me about memory foam)
- was misgendered often but once in public by my therapist (he apologized)
- got my feelings hurt by my psychiatrist who was just fulfilling his ethical duty to pretend he didn't know me in public (kinda fucked up to do that to the mentally ill)
On the newsletter front, I feel like I really found my groove. I really look forward to sitting down and writing the silliest things down that come to mind. It's nice to create a digital forum filled with things that will probably get me cancelled in 20-25 years when the woke mind virus finally eats the final three rotting brain cells society has left. My only savior from cancellation is the impending literacy crisis. My top 5 personal favorite newsletters from this year were:
Throughout the year, I had many small moments of panic that my Lexapro prescription could not prevent. As a reader of this newsletter, it's important for you to understand that I am not well. So, for this segment, I'd really like to reflect on the top 5 concerns I had this year. Some of them are irrational, but some of them are very real and should concern you as well. Without further ado:
- Bird Flu. I've been concerned about this for almost a full 12 months. Do not eat runny eggs, do not drink raw milk, do not feed your cat raw food, do not hang out around chickens, do not let your cat outside. I am so serious. This is a public service announcement. I will judge you.
- Everyone will forget me. I don't think this is true, but sometimes it feels like it could happen.
- I am a failure. I've decided that this is not true whatsoever and that it's really just a reflection of the job market.
- D*nald Tr*mp administration will find and kill me. Verdict is out on this one, I'll be honest.
- I am secretly dying from an undiscovered illness. I am thinking this one is false right now, but there's no time like the present to be patient zero.
Now, what most of you are waiting for, my top five Shart Tanks. This is easily my favorite segment to write, and seems like it's most of your favorite segments to read. Reader, whether you are an angel investor or a poor working-class pleb, please consider donating your time to these installments of Shart Tank.
Thanks to all 66 of you who have decided to get my emails this year. I love you all in a unique and para-social way. I am probably going to make some changes next year to the newsletter, but I promise you will love it, and if you don’t, please tell me. Looking into 2025, I have little to no hope, but I will make a few promises to you. I promise that I will:
- monetize content in a way that is accessible, fun, and worth it. What has been free will always be free.
- never start a podcast. I just don't think it would be fun for you.
- start making videos on YouTube.
- reply to every single email you send me. If I don’t, you can publicly humiliate me.
- completely change my mind about anything and everything at least twice.
- continue supporting and making jokes about bisexual people.
With Love,
Cleb <3
